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Saturday, September 24, 2005

Which SatC vixen are you?

I think I took the Sex and the City quiz a while back, but forgot which result I got. Was talking to Gloria about this the last time we met.... and just now, on a whim, I decided to try again. I did a search and found several such quizzes... one from ivillage, one from quizilla, the rest I forgot. But I ended up taking 5 of them and had different results: 2 Carrie, 2 Miranda, and 1 Charlotte. Well, I guess I have some of each of their characteristics in me (except for Samantha?)

Off topic, but my upper left eyelid has been twitching a lot these past few days. Almost constantly. Although it doesn't affect my sight, it's still quite unnerving. Is there any significance to that? Something I should look into or worry about?

cybette wrote this at 06:13 PM ... Comments (8)

Friday, September 23, 2005

The Rush for Gas

Last night it took me close to an hour to get gas for my car. I had to drive around to several petrol stations before I found one that had any petrol. Then I had to wait in line but the first pump I tried was drying up so I had to queue up again for another pump. And not surprisingly, the "regular" gas is totally out, so we had to pay for "premium" gas. But of course, this is just a minor inconvenience compared to those who had to evacuate due to Hurricane Rita. Many of them headed over here to Dallas, including Bruce's aunt from Houston, who arrived here after 23 hours on the road. Considering some people only moved 50 miles in 12 hours, she's actually quite lucky.

Wonder what kind of destruction will Rita bring? If she'll be as powerful as Katrina? There's something so weirdly beautiful about them... even though they are so dangerous, unpredictable, and unstoppable. Maybe that's what's making them strangely attractive, at least to some people. While the rest are running in the other direction, there are those who stay behind, or who moves towards them, staring down the face of danger. If these people survive, they'll live to tell the most fascinating stories. If the unfortunate happens, to those people, it'll be a beautiful death....

Enough of my idealistic bullshit. I know, the cruel reality is that people are losing homes and lives and much more, while I'm complaining about finding petrol and daydreaming about being in the hurricane vortex staring up into the calm blue sky... Well, I will do something to help, just no more blood donation (at least for a while!)

cybette wrote this at 01:30 AM ... Comments (1)

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Fainting Spell

Warning: if you're grossed out by mentions of blood and needles, don't read this entry!!

This morning, after only 3-4 hours of sleep, I reached work around 8-something. Then I remembered there's a blood drive at work starting at 9am. I haven't donated in a while, but those times I did in the past, I never had any problems and the experiences were actually quite pleasant. So I thought, donating blood will be a great way to start the day, coz I'll feel good by having done something good (is that a selfish thought??).

So I made my way down to the "bloodmobile" outside our buildings. Before drawing blood, I had to go through a long and intensive "interview". After getting my info (name, SSN, address etc.), the first question on the interview was: Are you feeling well today? I hesitated for a split second before saying "yes". I was tired, but I wasn't sick or anything. Plus in the past I had donated after staying up the night before studying/partying etc. But I forgot - that was in my late teens and early twenties.

Anyway, the rest of the questions were pretty straightforward - NO to drugs, AIDS, SARS, playing around with needles, having sex with men who had sex with men etc... YES to having traveled in Europe within the past couple of years. (And it was only last year when I went on my first trip to Europe!). So the lady spent some time getting all the info about where I've been in Europe and for how long (for some reason if you stayed for an extended period of time in Europe, that's considered high risk and they won't allow you to give blood. Wonder why...?)

Blood pressure, normal. Pulse, normal. Ok, time to get a big fat needle in my arm! That was the part I was most scared of, because they always had problems finding my vein and once a nurse "missed" and had to "poke around" to find it. It wasn't so much the pain but the visual image of it that was horrifying. But this nurse was good. Just to be sure, she marked my arm with a marker and inserted the needle where it belonged. Ah, the worst is over, I thought. Nothing to worry about from then on.

I gently squeezed the ... whatchamacallit that they gave me ... as blood flowed through the tubes and into a bag below me. It seemed to take a long time to fill it up (but still shorter than the interview!) but I was feeling ok. Finally the bag was full (bulging, in fact) and the nurse removed the needle. My bleeding didn't stop as quickly as the others so I worried a little, but not too much. At last they put a big band-aid on my arm and I could have some free drinks and cookies.

As I sat up to enjoy the drink, I felt a bit light headed. That's usual after losing that much blood. I was in a hurry to get back to work because this took longer than I planned, so I finished the drink in a hurry, grabbed the free T-shirt they gave out, and stepped out of the bloodmobile. It was really cool in the bloodmobile and really warm outside in comparison, so when things appeared hazy in front of me, I thought it was my glasses fogging up. Turns out it was me losing my consciousness! The next thing I remember, I was sitting on the ground. Luckily my coworker Roger was right next to me, I think he was holding me (or else I'd have fallen down rather than sat down). He said I had my eyes wide open the whole time so he didn't even realize I had fainted for that few seconds!

Anyway he helped me back into the bloodmobile again. They had me lie down with my legs elevated for about 10-15 minutes. I felt much better. Then Roger and I went back to our building. As I stood in the elevator, I began to feel the blood drain from my head and got dizzy again. I almost had to crawl to my cube. But after sitting down for a while, I was ok (or so I thought). Ready to start work! Arnold looked for me to tell me what we need to do today, and as he was talking, I started to see two of him... and he looked at me funny and said I better go take a rest. I didn't argue. Went to the bathroom to splash some cold water on my face and saw what Arnold saw - my face was really pale and my lips were WHITE (had no color in them)!

Long story short (oops, too late, it's already too long), I alternated between feeling kinda ok to wanting to pass out throughout the day. I didn't faint again, but sure felt like it many times. I couldn't get much work done (can't focus or think when your brain feels like cotton) so finally I decided to leave early... I had Bruce pick me up at 4:30pm since I didn't trust driving myself home. Was it because I didn't have enough sleep the past few nights (or rather weeks)? Or that I'm getting older and my health is not as good as it used to be (or as I thought)? Really can't take health for granted... this is definitely a case where I have to help myself first (by taking care of my own health) before I can help others (by donating blood).

Will this incident scare me off from doing this again? No. I will give blood again, but not before I know I can handle it. And I hope everyone will also take good care of your body and health... and consider blood donation sometime!

Better get some sleep... but still have school project to do. Want to finish it tonight. ARrrrrgh... need more hours in a day! I really need more sleep.....

cybette wrote this at 11:22 PM ... Comments (4)

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

聽見了嗎

Thanks to Keidy for buying the A-Mei CDs for me in Taiwan. Remind me to pay you back girl! Here's a song from the 發燒 album. Beautiful melody, meaningful lyrics. Dedicated to Jessie... sorry if what I said offended you. Love you always and hope you'll feel better soon!

聽見了嗎
作詞:易家揚   作曲:順子

風  說了什麼嗎   心  不夠安靜
我爬上山頂   閉上雙眼   聽一聽
我聽見白雲問我   說  想不想放棄
一想起那個名字   淚  落在我手心

夢  已經死了嗎   心  跳個不停
渴望的靈魂   等待下雨
我知道   還有愛   我相信
我聽見未來叫我   去  找到我自己
我想起一個身影   他  愛過我的心

愛是一封信   它會寄來心裡
寫的人會是誰   要等到哪一天
我的一個夢   有人聽見了嗎
我一睡   就流淚
我聽見未來叫我   去  找到我自己
我張開我的雙耳   聽  真心的迴音

cybette wrote this at 03:43 AM ... Comments (2)

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Comment recycling...

I hate to see those close to me get hurt. But worse when they hurt themselves by rejecting themselves, not even giving themselves a chance. I don't understand, why are people so afraid to love, or rather, so afraid to show their love? Fear of rejection? You've already rejected yourself by not trying. Fear of getting hurt? You're hurting yourself by denying the possibilities... how would you know whether it will work out if you don't even try? Yes, it takes courage to trust someone with your feelings. But it goes both ways, the other person is probably afraid of getting hurt too by putting their feelings on the line. How can we expect other people to open up to us and depend on us and expose their vulnerabilities to us if we keep our hearts closed so tight?

Before I go on, let me just say this is not about just one person, but I've seen this time and time again with people around me. Maybe in comparison, some people think I jump into relationships too quickly. I don't. I have my fears as well, but usually my love is strong enough to overcome them. I have been hurt, been to hell and back and heaven and back through hell again, and vowed time and again never to put myself through such torment again.... but when love consumes me, it gives me strength to endure things I never thought possible.

Don't be afraid to love. Fear of getting hurt is not a good reason not to open up your heart. It's nice to want to be independent, to be able to take care of ourselves, and we CAN do that - financially, intellectually, we're more than capable. But ultimately, as humans, we need emotional support and intimacy. If an opportunity comes along and you deny it, you are hurting yourself. Why? So that the other person can't have a chance to hurt you? Have you stopped to think, maybe he is afraid of getting hurt as well? Maybe while you're wondering what he's thinking, he is also pondering over what you are feeling? And maybe it is up to YOU to make something happen?

Sure it might be hard to "take it all back" when things don't work out. But you're underestimating your own capacity to love. Yes, it can be devastating when a relationship ends, you feel drained, you feel exhausted, you feel like you've given your all to that person and the relationship. But, actually, there's nothing to take back, because we're capable of giving more love, as long as we're WILLING to. We don't need to take back our love and recycle it. In fact, that won't be fair to the next person that comes along. We can love just as deeply, if not more. Have faith in yourself. Have faith in the other person. Don't deny others the lucky chance to share your love and see your heart. Don't deny yourself the chance to receive love in return.

And if you think there aren't many opportunities out there, I dare say it's more because you're not "seeing" with your heart. Don't just keep your pretty eyes open, but keep your beautiful heart open as well. It might not always be easy to find "the right person", but nobody won the lottery by NOT buying a lottery ticket. Similarly you'll never know until you take that leap... of faith.

I guess I have to say, "look before you leap". You don't want to jump into something that's completely hopeless. But as you perch on the edge undecided, maybe the question is not so much whether the person is right for you or not, but whether you're WILLING to at least TRY to find out the answer to that first question? Don't give up when you haven't even tried to find out whether it's hopeless or hopeful. Love doesn't always come easily. Sometimes, you do have to fight for it (maybe even yourself - internal battles...), especially if it's worth the fight. Fight for what you want, fight for what you DESERVE. Dare to love, dare to LIVE.

"The greatest regrets in our lives are the risks we did not take."

cybette wrote this at 03:43 AM ... Comments (5)

Saturday, September 10, 2005

Get a life, spammers!

Update 9/17/05: I got a comment spam here linking to the domain "MyNiceMailAt.com" that didn't exist at first. Richard Boakes, who got spammed as well decided to buy it before the spammer did and redirect to his page here. Interesting way of thwarting that spammer's plans! When I first couldn't find any info on "MyNiceMailAt.com", the same idea did cross my mind briefly. But, what if the spammer has the foresight that if something like this happens, maybe those like Richard who purchased the domains would not renew them a year later? People like me who got spammed might not remove the link because it's now pointing to a legitimate site. A year later, if the domain is not renewed, the spammer returns to buy it and puts his website up and enjoys the hundreds or thousands of available links pointing to his website.... hmmm...

=======================================================

I had to close the comment sections for most of my older posts (aside from the Guestbook, the ever popular INFP/ADD/Depression post, and the entry for Gmail invites requests - surprising there are still people looking for those...). This is due to a recent onslaught of comment spams, and not the usual kind where they leave URLs pointing to some porn/gambling/viagra sites, but rather to legitimate sites (usually another person's blog, for e.g.). Not sure what the spammers are thinking but the Spam Huntress offers some suggestions:

  • Polluting automatic blacklists
  • Make automatic blacklisting bots unusable
  • Use for seeding blogs. Wherever the links stay, the blog is not well moderated
  • Personal attacks
  • Google bowling - drowning out specific search terms so previously ranking sites no longer rank.

Google bowling? Whatever it is, these spammers need to get a life. Why can't people be more considerate? Well I guess there are much worse crimes than spamming, but it still gets on my nerves...

cybette wrote this at 08:56 PM ... Comments (1)

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Email address update

Time to say goodbye to my email address of 10+ years. What started out as a project in IRDU (Internet R&D Unit, back when I was in NUS in Singapore...) and I was one of the first test users... using the domain pobox.org.sg, then mailhost.net, and finally post1.com was added to the mix when AsiaOne took over the management of the service from IRDU. Thus giving me my carolchen@post1.com address which I've used for the past decade, but receiving more and more spam as the years passed (right now about 95% of emails received at this account are spam, i.e. hundreds a day). Then I saw this on the post1.com website today:

Dear Valued PostOne Customers,

We like to thank you for your support of PostOne service for the past 10 years. It is with much regret that we are announcing that the PostOne service will start to cease service in phases from 31st Aug 2004 to 31st Jan 2005.

A lot of changes and new developments have occurred in the Internet industry these 10 years. There are now free email services from Hotmail, Yahoo and recently Google has announced their plans to enter the market. Emails accounts are also readily available from ISPs or from the office. Having given due consideration, the management has decided that we will not be able to generate any value for our customers in the long run.

blah... blah....

Yeah, well, although I'm sad to give up something that's been with me for so long (almost like part of my identity), I won't miss the spam. Please update your address books to use either my Gmail or cybette-dot-com email addresses. If you don't know what they are, shame on you! Just kidding... email me at my old address and I'll let you know the new ones. Hmm, wonder what email address(es) I'll be using 10 years from now? Or if email will still be popularly used? Will this blog still be in existence? .....

cybette wrote this at 05:29 AM ... Comments (2)

Monday, September 05, 2005

Let's do our part to help

Nokia Donating $1 Million to American Red Cross for Immediate Needs of Gulf Coast States
Nokia To Help Katrina Victims

I can't match Nokia's contributions, but luckily Nokia can match mine. Check if your employers do the same. Call 1-800-HELP-NOW to donate to Red Cross or do it online here.

cybette wrote this at 02:15 AM ... Comments (0)

Sunday, September 04, 2005

What's Your Blogging Personality?

From Blogthings: What's Your Blogging Personality?



Your Blogging Type Is Thoughtful and Considerate


blogthings-thoughtful.jpg


You're a well liked, though underrated, blogger.

You have a heart of gold, and are likely to blog for a cause.

You're a peaceful blogger - no drama for you!

A good listener and friend, you tend to leave thoughtful comments for others.


cybette wrote this at 08:11 PM ... Comments (3)

Saturday, September 03, 2005

Who is Remus J. Lupin

I'm supposed to be like Professor Lupin in Harry Potter. Beware! I turn into a wolf during full moon!

Find out which Harry Potter character you are here.

My results:

你就像是貪狼星的路平 Remus J. Lupin

千萬不要因為路平教授的男巫長袍極其破舊,就不喜歡他。要知道,你所扮演的這名角色,正是那個在火車廂內驅趕走了催狂魔的神秘老師。既懂魔法,又能變身。雖然路平教授每到月圓之夜,就會變身成為狼人,但是這絲毫也沒有影響到他在課堂上的親切、隨和。

沒錯!正是親切與隨和。雖然扮演路平教授的你,不一定外型特別出眾。但是因為你給人的感覺總是輕鬆、隨意、而且愉快的,所以你的人緣特別好。好人緣,當然旺桃花。雖然這並不代表你會亂來,但是久而久之,你也就成了一個充滿爭議的人物。

就像教授路平,喜歡他的,會稱他為好老師;排斥他的,則在暗地裏,直稱他為狼人。不過對你來說,這樣稱呼上的轉變,並不會影響多少你的心情。畢竟你在風塵裏打滾的機率,總比他人偏高一點。習慣了,也就自然了。於是你遇佛敬佛、遇鬼拜鬼。時間一長,有時甚至連自己也忘了到底戴過多少面具了。

cybette wrote this at 05:30 PM ... Comments (2)